Okay so this whole thing needs a new format and new approach. I haven't got the energy and enthusiasm I used to have towards writing lol. Life changes you. Plus I look back on my posts and realised a lot of it was a facade (apart from the selfish suicide and Naimh needs to walk post). But I am going to keep them up anyway for the giggles I guess. Back then I was trying to convince myself I was super okay after many bad experiences. So I'm gunna strip it all bare for you all so you can understand before I go on to post my themed posts in the future. So lets call this a a fresh start.
Hi I'm female. I'm 23 years old. I have two children. I am a single mum. I study LLB Law. I have struggled real f**king hard to get where I am and there's been days I have wanted to give up. I have very little friends. I have a family I love dearly but feel very outcasted from a lot of the time because of having been on a bad path that I never really wanted to be on, and differences in ideologies. I have a boyfriend I love a lot, he makes me smile and used to be a breath of fresh air and excitement for me, but familiarity is a bitch sometimes haha but for the most part is still exciting. Hey just being honest. But I wouldn't change any of it, I would however build on it. If you're not building on life then what is the point? I have an uncle who although not blood related has provided me with some of the greatest wisdom in life and helped me more than I could say blood family have sometimes. I have been a victim of Domestic Violence but I don't really talk about it unless I trust you not to change the way you see me (I like people to think I'm some super strong feminist force not to be reckoned with) and hardly ever share to the fullest extent of my experiences. One person knows the full extent. But here I am sharing it right now because I want people to know that, I survived that shit man. I am strong for surviving it and I don't ever want another victim to feel that they can never be anything (I know you are thinking it, as that is how I used to think). I mean I'm doing pretty fucking well and making something of myself. I wont lie to you life isn't perfect, but the truth is no life is perfect and everything is relevant to the individual. Okay lets carry on with the story I seem to be building here.
I used to dream of being a singer-songwriter and actress. I was a nerd. I have been isolated from all I know and made to think i was worthless. I have considered endless sleep in my darkest moments. And guess what I am here writing this awfully long and what may seem (only for the moment, it gets better I promise!) depressing post. When I was a teenager I had hardships. Suicidal parent, felt abandoned by another. Had to buy my own school uniform at one point due to terrible relationship choices within the family. I have had to protect family from awful people and then tried to find escape in someone who turned out to be my worst nightmare for 3 years who made me put up with drugs, violence and poverty and so much more, and it ended up screwing up all career prospects. Came out of it all with two little people who have taught me more than anything and provided some of the most wonderful memories in my life, and now I am on a journey to challenge my limits and I'd say I'm doing pretty damn well. I got all A's and B's in GCSE's pregnant needing a wee through my exams!! Now doing a law degree with endless obstacles thrown at me and two little monsters who are quite demanding of my attention but just so full of love when they aren't having their "Lets piss mum off" days lol! Hey every kid has them, I know I used to when I put fairy liquid in my mums tea, and cut holes in her curtains, and snapped her 18ct gold necklaces!!! My kids are nowhere near as bad as me! And they make doing a degree easier than some kids would I guess. Lets move on with the story anyway. I used to have quite a few friends but felt betrayed by them and since then my social life is not very social. But I have my few close friends who I love to the moon and back even when they piss me off. I have made new friends in uni who I feel develop me and make me feel like life is wonderful because they have such a refreshing outlook on life. And I have a feeling of sanctuary in a wonderful non related family sometimes who always make me feel welcome and like I'm wanted there (quite a foreign thing to me sometimes).
And then there is me in myself. I am wise, I am intelligent, I am very witty, I am educated, I am life experienced, I have goals, I have aspirations, I know a lot yet know hardly anything at all, I am a product of my experiences and want to make a change in the world, I want to have impact and be remembered and loved . I want to inspire my kids to be happy and fulfilled. Know no bounds except for the laws, but even question them without reckless action. I want them to see me smash the barriers of life and take alternative perspectives and be loving, caring to all humans and think beyond face value. I then want them to do the same. I am extremely feminist and feel passionate towards the gender equality and positive human rights actions. Don't get me wrong I also want money and holidays to Barbados and a nice big house and car. Would make life slightly more luxurious and easy. But truth is, we all end up dead. LOL. Excuse my bluntness but it is true. I mean you cant take money and materials with you when you go, you take memories and soul. So life is about the journey and experiences you have, and what you choose to learn and become from it, and what teachings you can leave behind. And through all this I feel myself more calm everyday. Finding the happiness in who I am and what I am affecting.
So I guess you know me now.
so yeh.
Now Ive got that out the way. Hey everybody!
Life isn't about much but happiness. So . . . .do me a favor do a small thing to make someone smile. You will feel so good and the chances are you will find yourself smiling in return as happiness is contagious. Ive never not laughed when my best friend has howled her awful but hilarious cackle that I love so much btw! haha
So now I've set the foundations for my future posts, and proved my qualification to generally talk about them Ill leave it all to another day and post. Although nobody should ever feel unqualified to talk about something as long as they are not using hurtful words.
Peace out x
